In Paris, where love is whispered in cafés along the Seine and passion is painted on the walls of Montmartre, conversations about desire have never been purely private. But when it comes to fetishes-those specific, often misunderstood patterns of attraction-many still hesitate to speak openly. Is exploring a fetish in a relationship a sign of deep connection, or is it still seen as something to hide behind closed shutters in a Le Marais apartment? The answer isn’t black and white. In Paris, where art, history, and sensuality have always walked hand in hand, the line between taboo and normal is being redrawn every day.
What Exactly Is a Fetish, Anyway?
A fetish isn’t just liking something unusual. It’s when a specific object, sensation, or scenario becomes essential to sexual arousal. It could be the texture of leather, the sound of whispered commands, the sight of stockings rolled slowly up a leg, or even the ritual of tying a silk scarf just so. In Paris, where lingerie shops like La Perla on Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré and Chantelle in Saint-Germain-des-Prés have been crafting intimate wear for over a century, the line between fashion and fantasy has always blurred.
Research from the Institut National d’Études Démographiques (INED) in 2024 found that nearly 43% of French adults aged 25-45 in the Île-de-France region reported having at least one consistent sexual fantasy involving non-traditional stimuli. That’s not fringe behavior-it’s everyday life. But many still feel ashamed to mention it, even to their partner. Why? Because in France, where intimacy is often idealized as romantic and poetic, anything too raw or specific feels like it breaks the spell.
Paris Has Always Been a Playground for Desire
Let’s not pretend this is new. In 19th-century Paris, the Moulin Rouge didn’t just entertain-it explored boundaries. The erotic art of Toulouse-Lautrec, the masked balls of Pigalle, the private salons of the Belle Époque where poets and courtesans swapped secrets-all of it was about pushing limits. Today, that legacy lives on in quieter ways.
At Le Secret des Sens, a discreet boutique in the 11th arrondissement, customers browse silk blindfolds, velvet restraints, and hand-carved wooden toys with the same calm as they would pick out a bottle of Burgundy. The owner, Claire, says most clients are couples in their 30s and 40s-lawyers from La Défense, artists from Belleville, teachers from the 14th-who come in after a long week, looking for something real. “They don’t want to buy a toy,” she told me. “They want to buy a way back to each other.”
Even the French language reflects this. The word fantasme carries more weight than just “fantasy.” It implies something deeply personal, almost sacred. And in a culture where conversation is prized over performance, talking about these desires-even awkwardly-is often the first step toward intimacy.
Why So Many Still Stay Silent
Despite Paris’s reputation for liberation, stigma lingers. In a 2023 survey by Paris Match, 61% of respondents said they’d never discussed their fetish with a partner, fearing judgment or rejection. Some worry about being labeled “weird.” Others fear their partner will think they’re broken. In a city where appearances matter-from the perfectly styled hair at a Left Bank brunch to the crisp white shirt at a business dinner-the idea of revealing something raw feels dangerous.
There’s also the myth that French couples are naturally more sexually liberated. That’s not always true. Many long-term relationships in Paris operate on unspoken rules: no talking about sex unless it’s romantic, no mention of anything that doesn’t fit the “candlelit dinner” mold. This silence doesn’t mean desire is absent-it just means it’s buried under layers of social expectation.
When Fetishes Become Bridges, Not Barriers
But here’s what happens when people dare to speak up. At Les Ateliers de l’Intimité, a monthly workshop held in a converted 18th-century chapel in the 13th arrondissement, couples gather to talk about desire without shame. Led by a sex therapist trained in Lyon and Paris, the sessions focus on communication, consent, and curiosity. One couple, Sophie and Marc, came after years of feeling disconnected. Marc had a soft spot for foot worship. Sophie was terrified to mention her love for being blindfolded during sex. After three sessions, they started a ritual: every Friday, they light a candle, play jazz from their old Django Reinhardt vinyls, and take turns revealing one small desire. No pressure. No judgment. Just honesty.
That’s the real shift happening in Paris. It’s not about becoming more extreme. It’s about becoming more honest. A fetish isn’t a problem to fix-it’s a language to learn. And like any language, it needs practice, patience, and mutual respect.
How to Start the Conversation (Without Ruining Dinner)
Trying to bring up a fetish over coq au vin might not go well. But there are softer ways:
- Start with a book or film. “I was reading about Story of O-did you ever see that movie? It made me think about how people connect through fantasy.”
- Use touch. Hold your partner’s hand and say, “I’ve been thinking about how much I love the way your skin feels when it’s warm. I wonder if you’ve ever felt something like that with something else?”
- Try a game. Play “Desire Bingo” with cards you make together-each card has a sensation, object, or scenario. No pressure to try anything, just to share.
- Visit a place that feels safe. A quiet corner of the Luxembourg Gardens, a candlelit corner of Le Comptoir Général in the 10th, or even a weekend trip to Fontainebleau’s forest-somewhere with space to breathe.
And if your partner says no? That’s okay. Not every desire needs to be acted on. Sometimes, just naming it out loud is enough to rebuild trust.
The Real Taboo Isn’t the Fetish-It’s the Silence
In Paris, where love songs are written in the rain on the Pont Alexandre III and lovers kiss under the Eiffel Tower’s glow, the deepest intimacy isn’t found in grand gestures. It’s found in the quiet moments: when you admit you’re scared, when you ask for something strange, when you let someone see the parts of you that don’t fit the picture.
Fetishes aren’t about shock value. They’re about authenticity. And in a world where so much of life feels curated-on Instagram, in dating apps, even in the way we dress for a café in Saint-Germain-the courage to be truly seen is the most radical act of love.
Maybe the real question isn’t whether fetishes are normal in Paris. Maybe it’s whether we’re brave enough to let them be part of our love stories.
Are fetishes common among couples in Paris?
Yes. According to a 2024 INED study, 43% of French adults aged 25-45 in Île-de-France report having at least one consistent sexual fantasy involving non-traditional stimuli. Many keep it private, but the numbers show it’s far from rare. Boutique shops like Le Secret des Sens and workshops like Les Ateliers de l’Intimité report rising demand from couples seeking to explore these desires safely.
Is it normal to feel ashamed about having a fetish?
It’s common, but not healthy. Shame often comes from cultural myths that equate sexuality with romance alone. In Paris, where art and desire have always been linked, many find freedom in recognizing that their desires are part of a long tradition-not a flaw. Therapy and safe spaces like Les Ateliers de l’Intimité help people reframe their feelings from guilt to curiosity.
Can a fetish ruin a relationship?
Not if handled with communication and consent. In fact, couples who talk openly about desires often report deeper connection. Problems arise when one partner hides their fetish out of fear, leading to resentment or emotional distance. The issue isn’t the fetish-it’s the silence around it. Many couples in Paris find that exploring desires together strengthens trust.
Where can I find safe, respectful resources in Paris?
Try Les Ateliers de l’Intimité in the 13th arrondissement for workshops, or visit Le Secret des Sens on Rue de la Roquette for discreet, educational shopping. The Centre de Recherche sur la Sexualité at Paris Descartes University offers free consultations. Online, the French platform SexoLibre.fr has anonymous forums and therapist-moderated advice.
Do French people talk about fetishes more than other Europeans?
Not necessarily. While France has a reputation for sexual openness, studies show similar rates of fetishes across Western Europe. What’s different is how they’re discussed. In Paris, there’s more emphasis on language, art, and emotional context. The French tend to frame desire as poetry, not performance. That makes conversations slower but often deeper.